hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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