Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Randomize
