in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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