garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
