I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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