so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
we're chasing vodka with high fives
tequila makes me forget i have legs
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
