Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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