If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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