I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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