i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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