Already got asked if we're dating
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
