I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
It was confusing and full of hummus
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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