Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
