The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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