just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You are a genius and a whore.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize