My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm gonna fight the coyote
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
