well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
