so explain again why im purple
no
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
