My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
