it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
