Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
