You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
