how can u be prego again
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
