Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize