im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
