After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
