Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
