New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
