Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
