i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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