for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
