let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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