FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
