at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Damn victory sex feels great
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
