he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
