I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
you will always have a special place in my vag
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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