i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
