I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
