it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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