i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize