You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
