Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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