We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
