3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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