The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
