I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
