i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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