just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
