For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
