From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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