By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
