Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
