I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
