I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
