Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
