Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
