That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
