Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
