Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
