Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
