do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You've changed since you got that strap on
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
