I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize