if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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