Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
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Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
