Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
