first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
