tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
