The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize