So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
