I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
