Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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