i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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