He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
