I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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