I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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