She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
