dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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