I must be too annoying 4 u.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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