I will die if light touches me.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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