"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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