the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
