So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
