There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
it's like iHOP with fire
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
