I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
