Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Randomize
