just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize
