Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Who died my cat blue again?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
