mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
