We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I wear drunk well.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
