Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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