Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
