dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
