In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
